No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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