I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
