Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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