I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
