as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
