all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
