I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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