Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize