Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
