the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
