i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
did i just pee glitter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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