I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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