she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
