I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
