Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
