So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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