i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
