It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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