we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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