question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize