She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
