if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
