he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize