But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
