No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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