Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
