Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
