I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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