my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
