there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
