Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
