I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm really busy with my period
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