apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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