So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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