Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
