I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
