once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
