I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
