Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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