She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
