I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
