so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
