if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dicks are not precious.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
