It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
