Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize