I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
