I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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