Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
