Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
