Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
