I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
