so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
