i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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