Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
