I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize