I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
