i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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