WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
