If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize