a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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