Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
