you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
