All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize